


The Importance of Being Leonard

by cleverqueen



Series: Coldwave Week 2017 [7]
Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Agony Aunts, ColdWave Week 2017, Epistolary, Established Relationship, M/M, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-29
Updated: 2017-10-29
Packaged: 2019-01-26 10:12:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12555168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cleverqueen/pseuds/cleverqueen
Summary: Day 7: Free DayPost Oculus, Len has found himself in the 1890s. Now it’s up to the Waverider to come get him. Of course, he’s technically an aberration these days; the new kids don’t know him; and Sara’s a bit worried about that kissing thing since she’s learned about Mick’s plans to marry him.Oh, also, this whole story is told in advice columns.





	The Importance of Being Leonard

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve chosen not to use real columns and columnists in this story. Mostly because the research was getting out of hand. Would you believe that any resemblance to real advice columnists is purely accidental?
> 
> After the number of marriage proposals and threatened weddings during these Coldwave Week 2017 stories, I wanted to get past the proposals and into the logistics. Clearly, this was the way to do it. ::shakes head at self::

_Dear Straight Facts:_

_Everyone’s been talking about Oscar Wilde’s buddy lately. You know the guy, Earnest or Leonard or Wilbur. The Smart one. Anyway, it came up when I was at the bar, and my girlfriend said they were totally having sex. I mean, I guess I believe her because: Oscar Wilde. But my best mate—who runs the local trivia group—says that was just a rumor. Please settle this debate. It’s made drinking with my friend and my girlfriend really repetitive._

_– Wilde About Answers, Chicago (2017)_

Cecil Replies:

You’ve come to the right place for answers. For those who might not know, Wilde’s fictional best friend (Leonard Snart, not Earnest Smart) shows up in all of his works. Scholars have long assumed Snart’s existence to be an “every man” commentary on each story’s outrageous situations. However, it turns out this fictional best friend wasn’t as fictional as we’d originally thought. 

Last month, researchers unearthed an old letter by Frank Miles naming Leonard Snart as one of his models. Miles was a painter friend of Wilde’s, and his letter started an outpouring of historical Snart-sightings. Since then, other authentic documents have been found, including a promissory note at a gambling house, an epigraph in which he sets a new fashion in ice sculptures, and—my personal favorite—a horrified gossip column whose columnist can’t believe Snart called Her Majesty Queen Victoria “Vicky” and suggested they meet up later to practice sneaking out locked windows.

Whether Wilde and Snart were knocking boots is still up for debate. Given the very public nature of their relationship, however, I would guess they engaged in some Victorian-era trolling. Wilde himself may have gotten away with flamboyancy, but his less titled friends had no protection from the law. Seeing the true affection Wilde had for Snart, he would likely not have endangered a friend by turning him into a lover.

—Cecil

* * *

_Dear Time Master Pellenor:_

_An associate of mine has become a time aberration nexus point. What should I do? Part of me thinks I should tell the Council, but I clearly haven’t yet, which means I never will. Alternatively, I could leave the situation alone; after all, this isn’t my fault, and my associate went missing with a last known location of the Vanishing Point. Then again, there are some bonds of loyalty involved._

_(Please don’t fault me for being vague about who and when. Until I’ve decided the correct course of action, I cannot implicate myself or my associate.)_

_—Captain Confusion, [address-withheld]@waverider.ti.me_

Dear Confusion,

I took a look at the time stream and couldn’t find the aberration in question, so your secret is safe with me and all my readers. It sounds like you already know what to do. You must either take responsibility or turn this person in. If you’re unwilling to do the latter, you’ll have to choose the former. Remind yourself that it our integrity gives us the right to navigate the time stream.

Now. Take a deep breath, triple check the coordinates with your AI, and say hello to the past for me.

\- Time Master Pellenor, PhDT, MTA, your friend in time

* * *

_Dear Ask Amelia,_

_I’m worried that a friend might be a hoarder. He’s got things crammed into all the corners of his bedroom. He doesn’t need anything, but he went on a quest to acquire an historically interesting diamond, and when he got it he just put it inside—uh, his replica of?—the Stanley Cup._

_—Dr. Worried Sort-of Partner_

[no reply]

* * *

r/gifting

_Hey Blueddit,_

_What kind of gift do you bring when you want to propose marriage? Time and money no object. The only problem: we were kinda not talking for a while, and then I thought he was dead. Also, we’ve been together 31 years (including the dead and estranged time), so he’s already got all the usual stuff._

_\- u/firesprettierthanyou_

  * **steelheart 23h**  
Have you thought about food?   
1682 upvotes  **thebeastwithin 21h**  
who are all the people voting on this  
0 upvotes  **iamgideon 21h**  
Only the Time Masters have access to this subreddit, Miss thebeastwithin.   
0 upvotes  **kissmywhitecanaryfeathers 18h**  
IS EVERY TIME MASTER EVER READING THIS RIGHT NOW? OMG. THIS IS SO EMBARASSING.  
2332 upvotes
  * **notashrinkray 20h**  
When I proposed to my fiancée, I brought her to her favorite spot overlooking the lake between Starling and Keystone. My advice is to think about what your fiancé really likes.  
3233 upvotes * 114 downvotes 
  * **puritansprogress 19h**  
If you want to visit an important moment in your fiancé-to-be’s life and grab a memento, I can help with that.  
0 upvotes  **firesprettierthanyou 19h**  
Thanks, P.  
0 upvotes  **puritansprogress 19h**  
When are you anyway?  
0 upvotes  **Notashrinkray 19h**  
Like he’s going to fall for that!  
0 upvotes
  * **kissmywhitecanaryfeathers 18h**  
WHAT? MICK? YOU’RE DOING WHAT? I THOUGHT THIS WAS RIP’S MISSION. I’M COMING TO YOUR ROOM RIGHT NOW.  
4403 upvotes
  * **firesprettierthanyou 2h**  
he said yes. [photo description: Len’s hands cradling a huge diamond like it’s a baby bird.]  
987243 upvotes



* * *

_Dear Ask Amelia,_

_I just asked a question about a hoarder friend. Sorry, but I have to retract the question. The diamond turned out to be an engagement present. Half the things were his fiancé’s, who is now back and putting everything in order. Nothing to worry about here._

_—No-longer-worried Dr. Sort-of Partner_

Dear Sort-of,

I’m glad things worked out.

—Amelia

* * *

_Dear Miss Politeness,_

_A friend asked me to be his best man (well, his best friend) at his wedding, and of course I said yes. That part’s fine. What isn’t fine is that I kind of kissed the guy he’s marrying a few months ago, and my friend probably doesn’t know about the kissing. Is there a guide for this sort of thing? Should I tell my friend I can’t be his best man/friend after all? Do I need to talk to the fiancé that I kissed? Nothing else happened between us, but I feel weird about the whole thing._

_—It Was Only A Kiss_

Dear Kissy-face,

If things between you and your friend’s fiancé are truly over and so long as this happened before they were engaged, you don’t have much to worry about. You _do_ need to tell your friend, though. Otherwise, he’ll find out on his own at some point (possibly when your kissing partner mentions it), and you’ll be in trouble for hiding. Prepare yourself for some shouting and anger, but so long as nothing came of it and you’re not hiding any deeper feelings, it will blow over before the wedding.

However, you have to ask yourself. Do you have lingering feelings for the person you kissed? Does he have feelings for you? Is there something here that really ought to worry your friend? Look deep inside yourself, and then face up to the truth. This is the perfect time to come clean, and much better than _after_ the wedding.

—Miss Politeness

* * *

_Dear Emily Mail,_

_Acquaintances of mine are having a wedding in a dangerous area, and I’m not sure how to bring up my concerns. Is there a good way to suggest they should change their wedding venue... perhaps to a time and place their wedding will be legal? I know one of the honored guests (let’s call him Oscar) would never be able to attend anywhere else, but I’m truly worried they’ll be killed or cause huge societal issues with this wedding. –Professor of Practicality_

Dear Prof. Practicality,

You’ve made me worried for your friends as well! However, it is their wedding and their choice to structure it around a guest who means so much to them. There’s nothing wrong with having a private conversation to voice your concerns. You can’t force the issue, though. Remember that this is not your decision. If you’re simply concerned for your own safety, you need to keep your mouth shut and politely decline their invitation. Don’t forget to send a lovely wedding gift.

—Emily

* * *

_Dear A Sensible Wedding,_

_We’ve been invited to a wedding for one of our roommates. His fiancé used to also live here, but that was before we moved in. We’re not really close with this roommate and never met the fiancé. Are we really invited, or did they just include us because they invited everyone else in our apartment? Also, how should we act? –N.S. and A.J._

Dear Unexpected Guests,

Don’t sweat it. You’re invited, so you’re guests. End of story. The choice to invite you may have caused the happy couple some distress, but ultimately it was their decision. Your job is to be happy for your roommate and his fiancé. If you feel too awkward, send your regretful decline along with a present. ((See our guide to wedding presents here. <>)) If you do go, have fun! Eat, drink, dance, and make sure to give the couple your best wishes. –ASW

* * *

_Dear Ladies Home Diary,_

_My elder brother is approaching his nuptials. I’m so happy for him and his beloved. As his devoted sister, I have been tasked with choosing floral arrangements. Would you recommend appropriate flower combinations for an icy winter wedding at an estate in Hertfordshire? –Lady L— (C— City, 1894)_

Dearest Lady L-----,

Felicitations to your brother! We recommend including easter lilies for their meanings of purity and hope. If available, pomegranate flowers (abundance in marriage) lend unexpected elegance. We will also remind you, of course, that Her Majesty Queen Victoria carried snowdrops.

* * *

_The Time Master Pellenor Message Board_

_Dear Time Master Pellenor:_

_My buddy Captain Confusion wrote you about his “associate of mine has become a time aberration nexus point.” Don’t worry about it. I’m gonna have a wedding with the aberration and then take Confusion’s “associate” somewhere else, making the nexus and the wedding into time remnants. Problem solved. –Kronos (the real one)_

**Kissmywhitecanaryfeathers**  
IS THIS WHAT YOU WERE SAYING WAS GOING TO BE YOUR GIFT TO “CAPTAIN CONFUSION”? HE’S SUPPOSED TO GET *YOU* A GIFT, NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND. HOPE YOU LIKED THE NINJA STARS.

**guest account: “captainconfusion”**  
I’m not entirely sure how this is supposed to work.

**therealkronos**  
Trust me.

**anonymous**  
Has anyone heard from Pellenor? I’ve missed his column lately.

**therealkronos**  
You’re gonna be waiting a long time, anonymous.

**Author's Note:**

> Tracking - When I decided to do Coldwave Week, it was already two weeks too late, and I hadn’t given any thought to the stories that would fit the themes. I decided I’d try to write a short story a day. Hah! I started my first story draft on 8/27 and finished drafting this one on 10/23. That's... definitely not one week. All the same, yay! It's done.


End file.
